Big Ugly Bill

I am sitting at my desk, sweating in my unair-conditioned office, exchanging texts in Spanish with a migrant client, R., when I see the results come in. The Senate passed the big ugly bill 51 to 50. Vance had to break the tie. I’m really disappointed in Senator Murkowski. I thought she had more sense than that. I know they brought over with things for her state, but surely she can see the bigger picture. For once, Susan Collins did the right thing after disappointing us so many times. When we were interrupting Vought, she sounded genuinely fed up with this administration, especially on the issues of public broadcasting and PEPFAR and instead of saying something dismissive or hostile as we were being taken out, she said "people feel passionate about this." This thing is such a disaster for everyone, but particularly our clients. Cuts to food assistance, Medicaid and housing are literally cuts to everything they rely on to stay alive. We already didn’t have enough of anything and this is going to make it worse. If people spend their money on food instead of rent, they’re going to become homeless. If they go without eating they’re going to become sick and then they won’t have healthcare. It’s just a huge clusterfuck. And that’s only that one part of it. The one good thing is that they did take the Federal ban on trans care out. But they will probably just try to do that some other way. Now the only hope is in the House, and its slim. I feel the tides of anger and hopelessness rising in me, but I am trying to focus on the client, who is telling me that one of our other clients, a gay man who was sexually assaulted in his country of origin, has a deportation order. "He feels like he is just sitting in the shelter waiting for ICE to come arrest him." I give the client information for legal assistance to give him, but I don't know how much legal help can do in a system where the laws are not being followed. "Are they going to cut medical assistance for transgender people right now?" R asks. "No," I say, "but they are making it harder for everyone to get medicaid." R shows me a letter. It's an appointment for biometrics. We used to consider these a good thing, a sign that a client's case was progressing through the system. But with ICE grabbing people who show up for appointments,I'm worried about this. So is R. "This is very difficult," they say. "I understand being worried, especially the way our government is not following its own rules." The client nods in agreement. "It seems they are just grabbing people based on appearance without even caring if they are citizens." More nodding. "What they will discover is that this country needs immigrants in order to function," I say. "There is already a shortage of people to harvest food in California." "When is the next protest?" R, who was a youth activist in their home country, wants to know. I tell them there's a protest the next day at Trump Tower. Given the state of things R protesting makes me anxious, but I know its part of how they cope because I am the same way. "I need to go to the streets to protest," says R, just as I finish that thought. "I tell you, this is no longer a government, this is a HELL. Since this president came, my life has been psychological torture. This man is very vindictive." "I agree," I tell them. "Many people are having a very hard time with this. Someone sent me an email, an LGBTQ person who wants to come here. This happens a lot, but this time I told them to consider other countries." We are both silent for a moment, absorbing the intensity of that. "When is the next protest in DC?" R asks, so I pull up the list from Popular Demoracy. "Sign me up," R says, so I do. Another client messages me on facebook, so I pull it up, and immediately a post catches my eye. It's a friend posting about someone she knew who just ended his life on livestream. I flinch at the horror of what she must have seen, but I also think, this makes sense. It makes sense that the swirling fear, uncertainty, hopelessness and anger are pulling vulnerable people into a whirlpool and some are gettung sucked under.