Observations

  I got to the infusion center yesterday and found it completely deserted – nobody behind the desk and nobody in the waiting area either, like the rapture had hit just one floor of this outpatient building.     Eventually one of the receptionists showed up and issued me the standard bracelet.     I have a couple of favorite nurses, mainly because of their IV starting skills – after so many years of medical crap, some of my veins are just done.  Yesterday it was Kayla, an energetic woman whose slight build and pixie cut remind me of Kess, a character from Star Trek Voyager.  I’m not the only one who had this kind of reaction to her – a few cubicles down an older man getting chemo told her how much she resembled a character from a 1960s movie. Kayla had a trainee with her, a nurse who told me she had previously worked at Presbyterian so told her about Project Stay, the youth clinic we work with at Presbyterian.  Nurses have a lot of t...

       I woke up with a song Kate S used to sing in my head.  I was humming it when I went in to feed Gretchen, the new cat who is still acclimating in her own room.  We don’t know how long she was alone after her owner died, but by the time the super found her she was noticeably underweight. She is understandably food  obsessed and normally goes straight to her bowl and then comes to be patted.           When she heard me humming though, she veered away from her bowl and came right to me, purring. Some cats are drawn to music – several used to come sit on the piano when my mother played.  I can’t tell if she thinks my humming is purring or if she likes the song, so I sing it to her - “How can anyone ever tell you that you’re anything less than beautiful, how can anyone ever tell you that you’re less than whole? How can anyone fail to notice that your loving is a mirac...

        I was at Hampshire, in my second year, when my mother found my birth father’s obituary in the NY Times after looking for it for years.     I don’t know what made her think he would die fairly young – he was 66 – but she read the obituaries year after year with a quiet determination.     It wasn’t easy to buy a copy of the Times – the campus store didn’t have it, and you wouldn’t necessarily find it by taking the bus to Amherst either – so I went to the library and fished it out of a bin of recently arrived newspapers.     The library was silent, not in the hushed way of people trying to be quiet as they did research, but in an empty, echoing kind of way.     I could still bend back then, so I settled onto the carpet to read it.     It covered his time in the Navy in WWII, his years writing for Life and as a professor at Columbia.     But mostly they covered his books and the controversies they c...

        Trying to juggle a ton of medical appointments and a lot of clients in crisis, I haven’t had time to let the announcement of Hampshire College’s closing really sink in until now.     It’s a huge loss, not just for me personally – which is especially painful because I met Kate S there – but also for all the queer kids and the oddballs who need a safe place to land.     Hampshire was the only college that was willing to look past my strange high school transcript, where the grades were all over 90 or failing in what looked like a completely random pattern.  My grades were a barometer of each teacher’s feelings about the importance of physically being in their class.  Some teachers were OK with the fact that I was busy going to protests and speaking at hearings and doing press interviews, as long as I could pass the tests.  Other teachers could not imagine anything being more important than being in the...

4/23/26       Yesterday I woke up miserable with the third day of the same damn headache, but I had stuff to deal with, the gnats of daily life – banking, inexplicable twin letters from the insurance stating that my CT was both pending and approved, weeds taking over the front garden. I brushed Smokey’s grey fur off my sweatshirt and headed out into the equally grey day.       Across the street I came across an unfamiliar cat, a small tortoiseshell, sitting behind a neighbor’s driveway fence.  “Do you live here?” I asked her, looking to see if anyone was home, but all the lights were off.  She was clean and not too thin, so I figured she probably did, and walked on, but when I looked back she had slipped between the fence bars onto the sidewalk.     The few minutes I spent lingering with the cat slowed me down enough that I missed the B63 by half a block. It’s easier to for me to walk fifteen ...

  April 16,     2026       Heading in to “the City” as Manhattan is often called by long-time Bay Ridge denizens, I ran into Samuel, who greeted me enthusiastically.  He’s one of those constantly energetic people that make me a little tired just to think about.  I had been up battling with my mind for most of the night and felt like a zombie, but he was undeterred. “What’s up?”! he said loudly even though I was right next to him.          I actually like Samuel – he has told me many stories about how he was working in corporate IT for a business that sent him to big finance companies to set up their systems and then they were hired by Safe Horizon, a non-profit.  “I had to promise not to tell where these buildings were because they were Safe Houses for battered women,” he said and then went on, “I saw that they had these classes and stuff, to help the women get their lives back,...